Allie and I went to go get a glass of wine last night and boy did we get more than we bargained for.

About a month ago Trisha had told me to read this book called “The Game”- it was a theory developed by this guy named Mystery

(yeah….THAT Mystery…VH1 jerk off) for guys who have no game and are socially awkward to pick up girls. supposedly it works. Trisha said I should read it because you can then totally get the scoop on when a guy is using the tactics on you and bust them. I even remember telling Dan when I was reading it about the system and he thought it was all bull- he said no real guy would ever use it. Well Dan, in part- you are correct- no REAL guy WOULD use it.

Enter Non-real guy #1: He’s short, very insecure, and happened to walk by right when Allie & I both were texting on our phones. (usually not the types to do that but she was checking on something and I…well- lol I was talking to a guy who WOULDN’T use the game haha)
His line something about “you guys are both on your phones…something something (it was loud & I didn’t care)”
THEN: Pulls out THE line from the Game- the line from the book is something along the lines of “did you see those two girls fighting outside? It was crazy and one of them totally got arrested”. So (we’ll just call him #1 from this point on) #1 goes “Did you guys see that bum that got arrested earlier? He was light fighting the cops- it was crazy! He got arrested!”
**blank stares from Allie and I for like 1 whole minute…..REALLY…REALLY?? The Game…it’s happening to us RIGHT.NOW***

Then enter non-real guy #2: “OH! Hey friend who I didn’t know was in this bar- SO WEIRD that you are talking to two girls and I am also here and single!” ….THEN #2 goes to shake Allie’s hand and does weird, ridiculous, 7th grade boy, 10 point hand shake. He then tries to shake my hand to which I say “No. I do normal hand shakes”.
They pair off so I’m stuck talking to #1 which is awful!! He first of all kept touching my freaking arm. DON’T TOUCH ME WITH YOUR CLAMMY NON-REAL HANDS! (that’s another point in the book- touch her and if she responds well then she’s into you. I folded my arms and pulled my jacket over them so he wasn’t touching my bare skin- THERE’S a HINT for ya pal!)
#1″I Looooove Vegas- you should totally go sometime”
Me: “yeah…I’ve been there”.
#1: I’m taking Dance Classes- you totally take them sometime
Me: Yeah…took them for a few years
Me: What do you do for a living
#1: I’m unemployed living at my parents house
Me: look of shock and silence
#1: BUT I used to work for Wall street in NY- but it just got too crazy so I left and came home. Now I just trade from home
Me: ……..really…..
#1: I went to Harvard
Me:……mhmmm……
#1: (enacting tip #3 from the game) Why do you wear your rings on those fingers?
Me: those are the fingers they fit
#1: Did you know that ancient greeks believe that which finger you wear a ring on says a lot about you
Me: mine say these are the fingers they fit
#1: The thumb meant you belong to Zeus. Zeus was the leader of the go-
Me: Yeah- I’m going to stop you right there- I know who Zeus is.
#1: And if you wore it on your ring finger that meant you belonged to Poseidon. Poseidon was the god of sea
Me: yeah- OK- I told you I know about the greek gods- you don’t have to do that
#1: now THIS finger
Me: OK-for real- I was a theatre major and I had to take a whole class on the whole greek system- so I probably know more about it than you. I even played a greek god once. Really- this is not working.
*At this point I’m making devil eyes at poor Allie who is stuck with #2. I whisper to her: we need to get the HELL out of here! NOW!”
Me: We gatta gooooo
#1: can I get your number?
Me: sigh….(*bright idea) sure! (thank GOD I remember my old college apartment phone number) I’ll give you my house phone number- that’s the easiest way to get ahold of me.
WE BOLT.


Run into creep-bags # 3 & #4- no matter how many times I told them that I was sober, the DD, AND had to work the next morning they kept insisting on trying to drive my car home, on us all “poppin out together” and that we should all hang out. We had to fake leave the bar AGAIN! As we are fake leaving I say to the cute guys next to us “thanks for helping us out dudes. Now we have to fake leave AGAIN”. They said that they thought we knew those guys. I say “do you think I KNOW a guy whose doo rag strings are literally dangling in his beer pitcher he’s drinking out of as a cup??”
We end up talking to cute guys and they were fun. Then we went home.
So for the record: the game is crap unless you are an idiot and I don’t like to be bothered by socially unacceptable boys who need a fake fight outside and to touch my arm to the point that I was getting a rash to try and talk to me. I am NOT a game and no- I don’t want to play with you.
Wish my luck this weekend! I feel like I’m going to need it ward them off! LOL