Bit the big one and went to the dentist this morning. (heheh)
I went to a place called “The Gentle Dentist” figuring that would get me a little bit less pain- ya know? Cause of the title….cause it implies a genteel attitude towards your teeth…Gentle….Gen..oh- you got it? Oh ok.
So it’s been a while since I’ve been to the dentist. Reasons include:
-no dental insurance
-I’m not made of money
-Last time I went the dentist used nitris on me and it didn’t numb my mouth so they drilled into my head, I could still feel it, but was foggy enough I couldn’t say anything. They only realized it when the nurse saw the tears running down my face and then numbed me up- a little LATE don’t ya think?
-Same dentist who thinks laughing gas=novacain was very mean- he and his nurses always yelled instead of saying “isn’t flossing a great idea?” they’d say “FLOSS OR WE’LL KILL YOU! YOU WANT YOUR TEETH TO FALL OUT OF YOUR HEAD?????” And let me tell you- I don’t respond well to negative reinforcement- I like clouds, unicorns, and pleases and thank yous.
(Planet Unicorn heyyy!)
So I go and since I’m new AND the last time I went to the dentist was forever ago- I had to get all these extra -rays- which includes one where you have to have the gag reflex of a porn star to not barf all over yourself.
(before you even ask- I do NOT) So the assistant is shoving this fisher-price hula-hoop with big flaps of plastic into my throat and making me bite down. Well since the flaps were so big they were cutting the area under my tongue so I told her I couldn’t because it was cutting me and she says “If you just bite down then it’ll only cut you once but the more times you bite down the worse it will cut you”. (What is this? Emo land?)
What happened to that GENTLE part we talked about earlier? So 42 mouth cuts and almost voms later- the x-rays were done. (Of which that time spent the assistant telling me about which of my radio co-workers she didn’t like.)
**Side note** If you ever meet someone from radio or tv- just because they tend to be more open people does not mean its polite to say that kind of stuff to them. What if I went into her office and said “oh- you work with Dr. Dentist? That guy is annoying! I liked the other dentist before him better- he’s stupid” That’s rude- it doesn’t matter who works where. So keep that in mind next time***
OK- so then the dental hygenist comes in- she checks me out and turns out for the most part my teeth are pretty healthy! (wohoo!) I need to floss (no story there) but other than that good stuff. Then she decides to show me how to floss. Here’s what happened…
I bet we all think flossing looks like this..
But my hygenist thinks flossing looks like this…
So apparently you are not supposed to nicely stop at the gums- you are supposed to obliterate them with string until they scream for mercy. (FYI- floss like this and the bleeding will stop after 10 days…who wants to make out until then??)
She gets done and at least gives me a present (tooth brush, floss (duh), and fluoride mouth wash)- which by the way- if I feel like if you are going to cause me pain you owe some something (I’m looking at YOU gynecologist! You’re on back order of presents!). Then the Dentist comes in- she’s super nice- loves Michigan so yay for me!
We talked about Polish food. (I don’t know much about it but I guess she does) And then I get the news: 4 cavities. Sounds bad- but if I count that for 1 cavity for every year I haven’t been at the dentist I’m in pretty good shape! LOL So I’m going to get those filled- not that expensive- and then be a healthy mouthed lady.
So that was this morning- my gums are still throbbing and I really screwed myself over in college because I would chomp my teeth down in my sleep due to stress- so- no fun there. (I don’t think I’m still doing it..hard to say though?) But anywhose- glad it’s over with. It was the last of those “you better get this done” in the group of things I avoided for a while. *Breathes!*
Mom: I’m almost a grown up!
Posted by Kate on November 5, 2009 at 12:43 am
hahah totally laughed out loud about the flossing part. So true. Oh and the new x-ray thing they’ve got now at dentists-that hoop thing. Total gag. I gagged liked crazy and the dental assistant girl got pissed at me and told me that I needed to breathe. Anyway-good job. Way to go!