I can’t even handle this- even if you are offended by offensive language- it doesn’t matter- JUST GO! NOW!

http://twitter.com/Shitmydadsays

Headed out to the Dentist this morning for fillings # 1 and 2. They numbed the begeesus out of my face- which I was glad for- (I told them about previous dentist nightmare) and then went to work. Fillings were done and I went along my way.  My face felt like the face from Mask- weird and lumpy.

(Ryan and Sara- WHY DIDN’T WE HAVE THIS FOR HALLOWEEN!? WE’RE FOOLS!)

Though it totally looked normal- in my mind it looked crazay! I had asked the dentist before I left if there was anything I needed to know and she said just not to eat anything that involved a lot of chewing so that I wouldn’t accidentally chew my lip off and not realize it because it was numb. (Just like what happened to Mr. Potato head last year in the gruesome image)

So I get home and decide I want cereal…and somewhere in that decision determined that the kind of stuff the Dentist was talking about was like…Laffy Taffys and Mentos.

Clearly not Special K almond vanilla crunch.

So I sit down and attempt to eat the cereal. Figured out quickly that chewing with both sides of my mouth were not an option. (The two cavities this week were on the same side of the mouth) So I figured out that I could tilt my head sideways and dump the cereal into the “feeling” side of my face. Just like that creepy Neti Pot lady..

So I was all proud of myself for that one. Then I said to myself “self- how do we know we are not chewing on our lip?” Well…sure enough we were…SIGH.  Needing a new plan because the almond deliciousness was getting soggy. So I then figured out I could take my lip and hold it outward with my hands and then chew and not have to worry about explaining the blood dripping down my face later!

(Pretend that tattoo is really teeth marks and that’s what it looks like)

I finished eating (successfully I might add) and felt my face…sure enough on the numb side there was a whole lot of extra cereal tucked in the corner of my lips…OK- I get it Dentist…chewing a lot is not just a Laffy Taffy type scenario. My bad. I have to get the other two cavities done in 2 weeks. That time maybe I’ll buy some yogurt just to be sure. What do you think of that Jamie Lee Curtis?

Still talking with a bit of a lisp- Ryan was worried about my ability to say 465 with the lisp- in fact- it is VERY difficult- I tried it at home. But other than that- I’m almost all un-numbed. Though I keep checking for drool just to be sure.

Tyson went to get his little Tysons removed today. I would say he’d come back a whole new man buutttt…maybe a whole new eunuch is a better phrase to use?  Either way- hopefully that’ll calm him down a bit. He is getting better in general though. With Abby gone he’s calmed down quite a bit.

OK- well off to do my usual findings of ridiculous things to talk about! Have a great one!

**Today’s phrase of the day** Don’t mess with the bull- you’ll get the horns.

Heyoo- hopefully wherever you are reading this you got the enjoy the amazing weather this weekend like I did. I didn’t get outside as much as I wanted because I finally finished the last annoying box that needed to be unpacked.

Friday was fun- I went out with Allie to Broad Ripple and it ended up being such a good time- Sara and Jon were driving around and came and met us. I don’t get to see them as much as I did when I lived next door to them so it was a special occasion. We christened it by heading to Rock Lobster and meeting people. We met these 2 guys- one with a possible real British accent but that was even a little sketchy. His friend was even sketchier but when you use an opener like “have you ever f’d a bear” I gatta see where this is going. (and don’t you worry- it didn’t go anywhere good but it was hilarious).  So then Sara helped me enact an amazing pick up line on a cute guy that consisted of “is that a members only jacket?” and it may have gotten me a date this weekend.

LOL- I told her I was putting her on commission for pick up lines- genius stuff.

Saturday I got to hang out with my Little- I took her to Steak and Shake for the first time and then I introduced her to the majesty that is Twilight. (She liked it and I told her I’d take her to see the new one too) (DON’T JUDGE ME!!)

**time for Rob Pattinson break…***

Ahh…much better. OK break over.

Allie and I also took the dogs for a walk in Broad Ripple for a bit- that was good because dogs are also (interestingly enough) a GREAT way to meet guys hehe… Let’s just say we may be taking MORE walks down the Monon.  Saturday night I went to the Roller Derby with Jamie for a bit and then we headed out on the town.

(Congrats to Naptown Roller Girls by the way on a great win!)

Hilarious game she taught me: The Touch Game. I know, I know- sounds sluttier than it is.

Basically you just stand in a high traffic area and get points for touching guys- (ie- arms, back, shoulder, etc) and sometimes you get a few conversations out of it and sometimes they don’t even notice. Plus we were both sippin’ on cokes and Shirley Temples so if anyone complained we could pull a Jamie Fox and blame it on the alcohol.

(Genius!) She won…she has way more balls than I do in that category. Met a few random dudes and for sure some creepy ones! Then we made our way back home.

Sunday- I cleaned a bunch and caught up on my relaxing! Aired out the house since it was so nice out (it smells a little doggy right now).  Then the Airedale rescue ladies came by and picked up Abby- so now we just have Tyson. (***STILL NEEDS A HOME***).  I also took a walk with Ryan which was nice! We got to catch up.

This weekend should be interesting! At the very least heading out with my girls! Also going to be speaking to some kids at the YMCA about what I do for a living…trying to figure out how to make traffic interesting….still thinking….lol!

OH! By the way- congrats to my amazing friend Brittany Gray who is now the proud owner of a HOUSE! If I lived next door I would buy her some pizza- but since I don’t I will just give her this instead.

Save a slice for me BG!

So my wonderful friend Ashley is a photography major at Heron and often commissions us to help out with her projects. She had asked if I wouldn’t mind helping with her latest project- of course I said yes! (I’m a vain mother-shut-yo-mouth!)  So here was her idea- take my blog ***dazzling as it is*** and in place of where I had put ridiculous photos I stole off of google images, I re-enact the photos myself. GREAT IDEA!  So today was the photo shoot. It was a lot of fun and I spent a good amount of time doing costume changes, hair changes, wig changes- mustache changes (yes. mustache) and having a grand old time.

My face is still a little raw from all the make-up so I’m all red and crusty- BUT I had so much fun doing it and I think the project is going to turn out awesome.

The reason for the advance apology- part of being the subject of these photos meant I had to go all out. I couldn’t leave my poor friend hanging. And the other part being that I had agreed to post them on my actual blog for her project so she could show that part to the class…and so…that means they are going to be on here eventually. So I am going to be portraying a lot of different things- most of them…all of them- embarrassing and some of them a little more riske than I usually show off. (Don’t worry- NO nudity mom!)  But I like to think it’s for the arts and for my amazing friend Ashley. SO! This is your advance warning and hopefully I will remember this when I actually have to post the pictures and am mortified by the mullet pictures of myself. LOL It’s for the ARTS People!!  So remember to keep checking back for them to go up and hopefully (my own embarassment pending) STAY up! LOL

Have a great and safe weeked!

Summerboys= a song that I want running in my head all day long

Things to never do:

Watch Man Vs. Food when you’re hungry.  Or…at all. Because all it will do is make you want to eat large sandwiches and big helpings of peppers on stuff.

Today I had an appointment early on the South side and ended up being done early so I went over to Paradise Cafe and Bakery. I thought I get my chocolate chip cookie fix and sandwich craving from last night’s Man Vs. Food taken care of in 1 shot. I usually love everything I’ve eaten there- love love love. Well- I got the roast beef- poor choice. It was sorta gross- and the bread was like crusty sour dough bread which tastes good but hard to eat gracefully.

So I end up looking a little silly while trying to eat my less-than fabulous sandwich. Then to top it off the cookie was old. It wasn’t soft and amazing like I had made a deal with it to be. It was sub-par and crusty.  It tasted like you always imagine that chips ahoy commercial cookie to taste like..

So…all in all- my dreams did not come true.
Allie and I were talking about how much we loved deli sandwiches (while watching Man Vs. Food of course) and I started to think that I don’t know anyone who DOESN’T like sandwiches…except maybe Mary Kate Olson…

But I like to think she just hasn’t eaten the RIGHT sandwich yet…(or ANY sandwich for that matter…) Where’s Bob Saget when you need him to feed someone a sandwich??

Oh….I guess that answers the question…

Sara loves sandwiches too. I love eating them with her. Not sure why- but just do.  So yes- everyone but like….2 people love sandwiches…including this guy named Earl..

Bit the big one and went to the dentist this morning. (heheh)

I went to a place called “The Gentle Dentist” figuring that would get me a little bit less pain- ya know? Cause of the title….cause it implies a genteel attitude towards your teeth…Gentle….Gen..oh- you got it? Oh ok.

So it’s been a while since I’ve been to the dentist. Reasons include:

-no dental insurance

-I’m not made of money

-Last time I went the dentist used nitris on me and it didn’t numb my mouth so they drilled into my head, I could still feel it, but was foggy enough I couldn’t say anything. They only realized it when the nurse saw the tears running down my face and then numbed me up- a little LATE don’t ya think?

-Same dentist who thinks laughing gas=novacain was very mean- he and his nurses always yelled instead of saying “isn’t flossing a great idea?” they’d say “FLOSS OR WE’LL KILL YOU! YOU WANT YOUR TEETH TO FALL OUT OF YOUR HEAD?????” And let me tell you- I don’t respond well to negative reinforcement- I like clouds, unicorns, and pleases and thank yous.

(Planet Unicorn heyyy!)

So I go and since I’m new AND the last time I went to the dentist was forever ago- I had to get all these extra -rays- which includes one where you have to have the gag reflex of a porn star to not barf all over yourself.

(before you even ask- I do NOT) So the assistant is shoving this fisher-price hula-hoop with big flaps of plastic into my throat and making me bite down. Well since the flaps were so big they were cutting the area under my tongue so I told her I couldn’t because it was cutting me and she says “If you just bite down then it’ll only cut you once but the more times you bite down the worse it will cut you”. (What is this? Emo land?)

What happened to that GENTLE part we talked about earlier? So 42 mouth cuts and almost voms later- the x-rays were done. (Of which that time spent the assistant telling me about which of my radio co-workers she didn’t like.)

**Side note** If you ever meet someone from radio or tv- just because they tend to be more open people does not mean its polite to say that kind of stuff to them. What if I went into her office and said “oh- you work with Dr. Dentist? That guy is annoying! I liked the other dentist before him better- he’s stupid” That’s rude- it doesn’t matter who works where. So keep that in mind next time***

OK- so then the dental hygenist comes in- she checks me out and turns out for the most part my teeth are pretty healthy! (wohoo!) I need to floss (no story there) but other than that good stuff. Then she decides to show me how to floss. Here’s what happened…

I bet we all think flossing looks like this..

But my hygenist thinks flossing looks like this…

So apparently you are not supposed to nicely stop at the gums- you are supposed to obliterate them with string until they scream for mercy. (FYI- floss like this and the bleeding will stop after 10 days…who wants to make out until then??)

She gets done and at least gives me a present (tooth brush, floss (duh), and fluoride mouth wash)- which by the way- if I feel like if you are going to cause me pain you owe some something (I’m looking at YOU gynecologist! You’re on back order of presents!).  Then the Dentist comes in- she’s super nice- loves Michigan so yay for me!

We talked about Polish food. (I don’t know much about it but I guess she does) And then I get the news: 4 cavities. Sounds bad- but if I count that for 1 cavity for every year I haven’t been at the dentist I’m in pretty good shape! LOL So I’m going to get those filled- not that expensive- and then be a healthy mouthed lady.

So that was this morning- my gums are still throbbing and I really screwed myself over in college because I would chomp my teeth down in my sleep due to stress- so- no fun there. (I don’t think I’m still doing it..hard to say though?) But anywhose- glad it’s over with. It was the last of those “you better get this done” in the group of things I avoided for a while. *Breathes!*

Mom: I’m almost a grown up!

My roommate Allie is a member of an Airedale rescue organization.

(Airedale? You say? This is what they look like)

She helps foster these dogs that have been rescued until they can find homes for them. Well you may remember me talking about when I moved in her having a dog named Teddy (ironic because it’s Russ’s cat’s name too)- well the day I moved in Teddy moved out- he found a great family from Ohio who took him home to love him.

So then she gets another call about 2 more dogs that need a home. Allie had fostered 2 dogs before so she felt pretty confident that it would be no problem. And of course I was on board- the more the merrier!  Enter Tyson and Abby on Sunday. They are 2 dogs that weren’t very well taken care of, hadn’t been bathed in probably years or groomed.  They spent most of their time in a small confined area in cages.  Tyson- by the way- the bigger of the two- 90 lbs. He’s a big boy!  Day 1 the first act was to give them a bath! They were GROSS. So Allie went to work and I entertained the other one. Our bathroom ended up COVERED in hair. Here’s evidence..

(You can’t tell in this photo but her skin was black with dog hair and the floor had about an inch of water on it)

So we get these guys cleaned up and they are instantly better and wayy less smelly! So of course the first nights are always rough- dogs often have big separation anxiety issues so they were stressed and throwing up. (vomit: one of the few gross things I can’t do) but they slept well in their cages.

Then Monday morning rolls around. We had spent all Sunday with them in the back yard- no problem. Well Monday morning before leaving for work for her big presentation Allie lets the dogs out in the back to pee. Well the jumped the small part of the fence. They are GONE! She comes rushing into my room, I get up and we haul down the street. They are no where. We live 1 street away from Keystone- a major road where dogs will lose battles with cars very quickly. So I jump in my car and dash down there to see if I can spot them.  As I’m looping back around I see Tyson in a front yard about a block away from our house. I screech to a stop- call him- he comes lopping over as if this is the best day of his life! I grab him and shove him in back seat.  I see Allie on the road- tell her I’ve got him at least- I bring him home and lock him inside. Then Allie follows shortly with Abby. Those boogers. So they had quite an adventure already. Allie is stressed, late for her presentation, and I’m up…at 8:30am- lol an hour I usually don’t like to see if I can help it. (remember: cush new job=sleeping in late) So I got home last night and Allie has actually taught both of them to sit already and they visibly more calm.  Of course we’ve learned our lessons about making sure to stay outside with them while they are out back- but she also was using a dog whistle which they seem to respond to very well.

This morning I wake up to some silly howling. (again- about 8:30a..these pooches are like alarm clocks) Allie’s gone already- but they just howled and howled. So I walk out to the living room where their cages are and I say “Look guys- this is really inappropriate behavior. We can’t keep howling and whining like this. It’s early- and we need to be quiet, settle down, and be polite”. And I swear to you- they just sat right down and went to sleep. I think what we’ve noticed is that they are both super people lovers. And you can tell they are worried we will leave them. So at night they follow us from room to room- if we get up- they get up. And if we are settled down and sitting- they will be too. So this morning it was lonely- I was in my room and they were upset because they were alone.

Here’s where you come in: They need homes!

This is Tyson- (I’m going to sort of guess on the stats- Allie knows all the info but here’s what I believe I know) he’s around 3 and is a big boy.  He likes to play and run around.  He will be hopefully getting neutered really soon (right now poor Abby can’t really get a moment’s peace if you catch my drift!) and he is just a big lovable guy. He seems to like to learn quickly and the more praise you give the better! I’d guess he’d do well in a home with older kids (the little ones he may trample through no fault of his own!) and would be great in a place where he has lots of room to play!

This is Abby- she’s around 7. A little older so she’s much calmer. She is very content to hang out with you and sit by you. She’s sort of been my little shadow these past few days. She seems to go with the flow pretty easily, still likes to play but is also very content to put herself in her crate and take a nap. I think she’d be a great addition to any family (but hurry because people are already showing interest in her and these dogs go quick!).

So here’s what I’m going to do- if you are seriously interested in these dogs you can email me at nikki@wibc.com and I’ll forward the info on to Allie. Feel free to ask questions if you have them and we’ll do our best to answer them.  I usually don’t try and sell stuff on here but common’! These are dogs- and how can you turn down those faces? Hmmm??

Yayy! OK I got it working so I’m going to get through this as quick as I can! Lots of stuff to go through- let’s get to the photo evidence!

Friday Night: The Here Come the Mummies show at the Vogue in Slutty Nun Costume

-Concert was insane!! Amazing band- not as scary as I thought it would be which I’m super glad about.  We had a pretty good spot with a good view of the stage and everyone looked amazing all dressed up.

I was a big lame afterwords because I was exhausted! So I went home and crashed!

Saturday: Erotic Exotic Ball at TRU as Kim from the Real Housewives of Atlanta

-Finding a wig turned out to be tougher than I thought so I did the best I could. So don’t judge the less than acceptable pile of synthetic fibers on my head…Kim would have approved.

-Boobs stuffed to high heaven and lips..let’s just say I was coloring out of the line on those too lol!

This would be my photog for the evening- Trisha-Risky Business hottie.  So you can thank her for all 76 amazing photos (I’m not putting them all up on here though lol! Too much work!) because she rocked it out.

My roommate, Allie- yeah- that’s her real hair. Hehe..she’s an anime..you wouldn’t understand…ok..she’s a bat…she’s a super hero for real though…shes….oh stop asking! It was a child’s costume!

At the TRU party- things were a little crammed- and Jason DeRulo sang all of 3 songs before his shirt exploded…he must have been working too hard..

Then we decided to get our cheap thrills and irrevocably get our picture taken with this guy..

So the TRU party was getting sorta weak so we bounced and decided to hit up Chumleys- where we totally cut in line in front of this guy dressed up as the Energizer Bunny who wasn’t paying attention. Then we bust in and made friends with these guys..

Not sure what either of them were…I think guy in red hat said he was recently broken up with…I don’t know if that costume translated well to the rest of us. LOL

Also ran into THIS lovely lady- Beyonce- also known as the Hern!

I always say- I know it’s a good night when I see Allison!

Allie wishing she had brought some milk…

Then after more ridiculousness we made our way to Rock Lobster- the best thing about going with Trisha is we never have to wait in the line- the bouncers know her and we always get whisked inside while everyone in the line goes “HEYYY!” lol…so bad A.  Well inside Rock Lobster I totally lost her! I spent a good amount of time wandering around goes “Trisha? Trisha!” And she was texting me going “I’m in the back bar” so I’m wandering around and run into these guys..

The Shits-  (sorry Mom- that’s what they were called) the one on the right was Holy Shit (notice the Halo) not sure what the other guy was.  So they are all “hey! What’re you supposed to be?” so I tell them I’m Kim from the Real Housewives of Atlanta and told them I was looking for my friend. They go “Are you looking for Trisha?” And I’m all “YES!” And then the Shits tell me that they had been talking to Trisha who was looking for me and she said to look for a Housewife that looked lost- ME! So they were totally our friends and I found Trisha and then we hung out with them for a bit.  After all the dancing and being generally awesome we needed some fresh air. (At this point, by the way- we lost Allie- lol- no idea how she got lost but she got home safe and sound) So we hit up ZA (Pizza place) and then Bennett- Trisha’s boyfriend came and picked us up and took us safely home.

Here are some of the photos that have no story but just are hilarious!

So yes…craziness but sooo much fun! Big thanks to all the lovely people who I got to spend it with- by FAR- the best Halloween evar!

Next year: 12 costume changes and more nuns! LOL

Hey- tried writing Halloween blog- WordPress wont let me upload any photos- Soooo- since without the photos I cannot do my Halloween justice- we’ll just have to wait and see if it works later. Trust me- keep checking back- this one will be WORTH IT!

Nikki